Personal Life Lyrics: Demons

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

We all have our heroes. Individuals – fictional or otherwise- that we look up to as heaven sent. Heroes have villains.

The formula is so simple.

Protagonist and Antagonist.

For every Captain Cold or Mr. Freeze, there is a Flash or Batman there to save the day.

But as I continue to live on through the body of my works, words and actions exploit heroism as more than just principalities that are of biblical proportions, but infinitesimal victories and defeats that are seemingly unnoticed and often ignored.

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

My favorite heroes in comic books, graphic novels, and other forms of publication were always the brainy folks or the tragic antihero.

Spawn and Spider-Man (I loved the artistic flare that Todd McFarlane made in the late 1980’s)

Batman and Iron-Man (The Killing Joke will always be a favorite graphic novel from Batman. Demon in the Bottle is one of the best issues of Iron-Man ever. Both stories humanize these characters down to their core.)

Doctor Strange and Mister Fantastic (I call these heroes oddities among the mold because Doctor Strange is a doctor in the medical field who becomes the greatest sorcerer in the 616 Marvel Universe, as Reed Richards calls himself Mister Fantastic humbly understating his intelligence in the Marvel Universe; although he is the most intelligent male in the 616 Universe.)

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

Six male heroes from fiction – favorites from childhood and even now still – but what qualities define them and how did I try to strive to attain them?

Well, here is where the nerd in me coincides with the geek that desired to embody the beastly aesthetic that (still) entertains and fascinates me.

5 out of 6 of these heroes are brainiacs (Spider-Man, Batman, Iron-Man, Doctor Strange, and Mister Fantastic)

4 out of 6 of these heroes have tragic backstories either before or during the event that manifested their superpowers (Spawn, Spider-Man, Batman, and Iron-Man)

3 out of 6 of these heroes have superhuman skills due to years of training (Batman, Iron-Man, and Doctor Strange)

2 out of 6 of these heroes exhibit the silent-type characteristic (Batman and Spawn)

1 out of 6 of these heroes isn’t a superhuman with his tools and abilities (Batman)

Piece by piece, I set the plan in motion to attain the physical and mental structure that defines these characters into my characteristics.

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

Thy will be done. As action, as it is represented on paper.

A Set theory is planned, with memberships of characteristics in execution.

I breed life into these characters by studying what makes them so unique in me.

An artist (in terms of cardinality; one can relate my artistry to the canvas that I love to read and simulate):

  1. Learning that cardinality in mathematics is the Law of Identity from Classical Logic in empirical and rational practices and correlating the term from that logic to Astrology as one of three qualities (alongside Fixed and Mutable, with the Law of Non-contradiction and The Law of the Excluded Third).
  2. Realizing that I am the eighth out of twelve signs in this pseudoscience, a set of objects in the sky in a circle of zodiacs with symbols comparable to those of logic used in mathematics.
  3. Understanding that in this pseudoscience, there are binary distinctions between six out of twelve of these elements (Masculine and Feminine), and that every sign makes up one out of four elements (Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water. No heart here people. This ain’t Captain Planet, but there is always the Esther).
  4. Concluding that every one of these concepts didn’t grant me any special previsions (Like really, because Scorpios are private, hence the term; “Deez nutz.” But superheroes are supposed to be private about their identities. I call Empedocles on to the stand of this pseudoscientific mess).

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it – Aristotle

I accept that fact that I have set limitations but limitless potential. Like the students that I deal with in the classroom, I see myself as capable of many feats and accomplishments. This is true with the fictional heroes that I admire and enjoy reading.

I also know that it is difficult to accept defeat too. Demons hide in the darkness that comes from entertaining that thought – The thought of the unknown.

Often times, these fictional heroes seemingly go through their share of personal demons; internal villains that are worse than the archenemies that oppose their ideals (or in the study of Astrology, polar opposites to whatever sign has binary elements that are mutual to their identical qualities).

Spawn had a wife during death that he left (“Wanda” was screamed by Al Simmons on just about every episode of the HBO series from 1997. All six episodes. All three seasons), Spider-Man has the weight of Uncle Ben’s death on his shoulders (and Stacy Gwen too), Batman has an obligation to his parents after their deaths to protect his city and uphold his moral code (and take care of teenagers and make them into crimefighting badasses, all without uttering “Martha.” Damion is my favorite though), Iron-Man has alcoholism and a business to run, with countless relationship problems (which I feel are worse off than Batman and Superman’s bromance as with Captain America and just as bad as Spider-Man’s love life. Both couldn’t be as worse as Batman’s love life though), Doctor Strange has the weight of his sanity on his shoulders, as magic requires something of an equivalent exchange (The poor guy can’t even eat normal food and drink anymore. He probably pisses magic), and Mister Fantastic has to literally stretch a family life, the life of a public identity (like Tony Stark), and the fact that his creations makes cosmic level entities (like the Watchers) worried (I’m sure they ask which struggle is worse of them: Franklin Reeds or that damn invention that Reed Richards is making.)

Curtain’s call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

Crawling by Linkin Park just so happens to be the song which lyrics play an essential role in the internal wounds that “will not heal” because those wounds shape the core of their heroic nature.

You can wear a mask to cover up the pain but that pain is always there. Perhaps this is what the Joker meant when he said:

It takes one bad day to reduce a sane man to lunacy. Just one bad day.

In my case and many others (this includes the students too) there are many (or one) sets of bad day(s).

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you’ve made

To clarify the perception of identity with heroism, one must understand the purpose of the mask used to hide one’s identity. It comes as no surprise that we often have a tendency to hide fear or true intent with a false, comforting (or fearful) poker face – a masquerade to clarify the mess of any negative emotion to ensure that others aren’t feeling the same (like the astrological sign Scorpio is said to represent – a somewhat Stoic mask of appraisal in the mental state of self-control).

Don’t wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don’t wanna hide the truth

In the eyes of those that are around you, you are perceived in the parlay of spectacle and grandeur from the feats you do – highlights of the game of life (as comparable to Dr. John Conway)I know that I leave a space populated with memories that are iconic and ironic to all manner of students in the classroom, with new memories made each moment to fill in the empty spaces of overpopulated classrooms (because the neighboring classrooms are left with split lists due to teacher absences).

I don’t want to let the students or members of staff down, regardless of the hell that I’m in. All of these superheroes make it a civil duty to fight the good fight, but the truth of the matter is that at in one (or more) point (s) in their lives performing the act (paraphrasing Euclid), we’d rather chill instead.

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

I wish to breed qualities of virtue for others to follow, but with every virtue comes a vice – a coefficient to the factors and terms that follow our moral values. Euclid had it easy (until you get to the fifth axiom; the first four are always taught in grade school though).

  1. Get to the point
  2. Get in line
  3. Be there or be square
  4. Be right

(The fifth not included)

It is in ethical values where complexity lays down a concrete dilemma. Rules were always made to be broken. This is where the fifth axiom lays its foundation on the shoulders of giants (as some children grow up so tall and fast too).

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

It’s interesting that although these superheroes are portrayed as good guys (Spawn is questionable sometimes and Reed Richards becomes a villain later on), one thing stood out that I admired and respected the most: They broke the rules to protect the lives of others. They are vigilantes.

They are the fifth axiom to the game of life (as I can imagine Euclid and Conway having coffee together, working out algorithms until the wee hours of the morning) – the heroes that don’t follow simple and conventional methods but are confided by the morals and ethics of society by people that they have sworn to protect.

They say it’s what you make
I say it’s up to fate
It’s woven in my soul
I need to let you go

I seemingly follow the mantra of vigilant activity. There are many of us that do it. The slight of hand as you take a gamble with authority to insure that you achieve your goals. Learning from defeat and developing a mental fortitude and resolve that others aspire to have. It becomes woven in your soul. Euclid took this to an extreme. He was killed by a soldier because he refused to follow his orders to stop doing what his passion was. He just couldn’t let go of the problem that he was finding a solution for (whatever that problem was).

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can’t escape this now
Unless you show me how

It’s not our demons but what we do with them that define our character and better judgment. Oftentimes, our greatest victories come in moments of defeat and vice versa. The fight between Bane and Batman from The Dark Knight Rises is the greatest example of that. A villain showed a hero how to hero better (Something that Professor Zoom keeps doing for Flash too). In comparison, the students show me how to be a better student.

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

I have been able to tap into all the negative things that can happen to me throughout my life by numbing myself to the pain so to speak and kind of being able to vent it through my music. – Chester Bennington

We often don’t notice our transformations whenever we embrace our small victories or defeats. Others around us do and make note of the changes. I’m sure all of us tap into our demons and use them to create greatness. I think that like Euclid, Chester took his passion to an extreme, as the death of Chris Cornell played a heavy role in his suicide.

We often ignore the signs of great people who suffer and succumb to their demons. It was his music and the lyrics that spoke to me during my time in high school that saved my life. Heroism is more than just a cape or a strong body. Sometimes, it can be words transcribed into our spirits from the spirits of those suffering too.


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