KEEP IT 100: Chapter 6

There are monsters in my closet!

There are monsters under my bed!

These are the stories of children with overactive imaginations

But look at that monster!

The one with the orange head!

They said,

Sleep with the light on

And as soon as they’d fall asleep,

The lights would go out.

They’ll draw a picture of the monster in the day

“Grrr!” in the bobble, it’ll shout



It didn’t matter.

The orange headed monster didn’t worry or care

But this is an imaginary creature

Its head and color its primary feature.


Because it waits to eat you.


Personal Life Lyrics: Incomplete

Love and procrastination.

Two concepts with terms of exclusion that have qualities of endearment with one another.

I mean, if you’ve read any of my previous entries you know that I love the arts and sciences (minus Chemistry, because Reasons; by Earth Wind and Fire. Perhaps the irony of this comes from the group’s missing element and how it relates to my astrological sign, being a fixed water sign and all).

Bright Lights, Fancy Restaurants
Everything in this world that a man could want
I got a bank account bigger than the law should allow
Still I’m lonely now
Pretty Faces from the covers of a magazine
From their covers to my covers want to lay with me
Fame and Fortune still can’t find, just a grown man runnin’ out of time

Let’s get to the point.

My love life (pertaining to women) sucks more than the owl from the Tootsie Roll Pop commercial (only three licks and done son – in the voice of Dave Chappelle). I think this is in part of procrastination at its finest (and possibly my dislike for Chemistry) but I’m surely not lonely. Deep inside my soul lies the wisdom of Athena without being so frank in licking the Tootsie Roll Pop but with one drawback: I can be a sucker for starting something but not finishing it for a good while.

Turns out I’m not alone in this activity (while keeping it slightly kid friendly, metaphors are a fun tool for the wise).

Even though it seems I have everything
I don’t want to be a lonely fool
All of the women, all the expensive cars, all the money don’t amount to you
So I can make believe I have everything, but I can’t pretend that I don’t see
That without you girl my life is incomplete
Without you girl my life is incomplete

I mentioned Richard Feynman, Albert Einstein, Sir Issac Newton and Satyendra Nath Bose from previous entries. Physicists that used their love for applied mathematics to discover new concepts that expand our incomplete knowledge of our concretely known universe but here I must expand the introduction of pure mathematics with a quote from Feynman himself:

Physics is to math what sex is to masturbation. 

(I mean, he was quite charismatic. For a more modern term, he was lit af. Einstein was woke though but poor Newton bore no fruit from his tree. My boi Bose is just now getting some respect on his name – with a “t”, not a “k” because it is only fitting to do so.)

Here comes Kurt Godel (metaphorical hint of academic nastiness here) and his Incomplete Theorems

Your perfume, your sexy lingerie
Girl I remember it just like it was on yesterday
A Thursday you told me you had fallen in love, I wasn’t sure that I was
It’s been a year Winter, Summer, Spring and Fall
But being without you just ain’t livin’ ain’t livin’ at all
If I could travel back in time, I’d relive the days you were mine

Two theorems used to describe the platonic relationship between love and procrastination (in comparison to *Kevin Gates – 2 Phones: Read my post Academic Shade – Kevin Gates the Kitty of Uncertainty for more clarity).

(inserts two subset love songs from the same genre of music)

  1. If You Love Me -by Brownstone* (as a representation of the first theorem and love in general)
  2. Say It – by Tory Lanez* (as a representation of the second theorem and procrastination)

Even though it seems I have everything
I don’t want to be a lonely fool
All of the women, all the expensive cars, all of the money don’t amount to you
I can make believe I have everything, but I can’t pretend that I don’t see
That without you girl my life is incomplete
That without you girl

I’d like to be real with you, relationships are tough.

The chorus of Brownstone’s song makes it vividly clear:

If you love me, (say it)
If you trust me, (do it)
If you want me, (show it)
If you need me, (prove it)

Love is all of these conditions, similar to the first half of Godel’s Incompleteness Theorem. It is arithmetic! But unlike Mary J. Blige’s Love Without A Limit, there is a certain limit of arithmetic one can do until you are all cried out (by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam).

For me, love is a formal consistent system. I have to be rational with it. After all, we were born from the language of it. A game of life (see Personal Life Lyrics: Demons). The language at times can be fuzzy, as empirical methods of creation have their inconsistencies in the reasons of progress but not the process of their elimination.

  • Can I prove whether or not this particular person likes me?
  • Just because the conditions set are true, does it make it so?
  • Am I wrong to feel suspicious of this feeling?

Godel’s First Incompleteness Theorem unveils the self-doubt that is the value of the undetermined.

I just can’t help lovin’ you
But I loved you much too late
I’d give anything and everything to hear you say, that you’ll stay

The second half of Godel’s Incompleteness Theorem circumvents the first. Procrastination has a tendency to do that. I know that once you start something, you must finish it but in love, you have so many inconsistencies in the consistent system that make up such a relationship.

The value of the undetermined makes one stop their continuous progress and withhold it for another period of time.

You gon’ have to do more than just (say it)
You gon’ have to do less when you (do it)
Tell mama you know I (show it)
Always want you to (prove it)

You question the value of love through procrastination. If love is arithmetic, then procrastination is the inequality that leaves me alone as a single variable.

But there is just one unique thing about the limits of provability – you are one of many single variables, each with their own intents and purpose.

Even though it seems I have everything
I don’t want to be a lonely fool
All of the women, all of the expensive cars, all of the money don’t amount to you
(you can have it all) I can make believe I have everything,
but I can’t pretend that I don’t see (Just give me my baby)
That without you girl my life is incomplete

I desire to have relations here, analogous in the comparison to love and procrastination as provability is to probability.

In a loving relationship (either being Lovers and Friends by Usher, Jon, and Luda or Forever My Lady by Jodeci – without judging K-Ci and Mary J Blige’s relationship) the Libra scales symbolically come into play with measuring the ethics of love and the morals that constitute the connection.

In the case of relationship goals, there are many subjective ratios:

  • 30/70 (possibly a ratio dealing with the man of the house being the primary income, with the lady staying at home)
  • 60/40 (possibly a ratio dealing with the premise that the man is the king and the woman is a close second. If you’ve played chess, the queen is the lioness and the king only moves once on any square)
  • 50/50 (1/2 or equivalent distribution)

A lifetime is all that I need (quoting Prophet Jones*) honestly. With this in mind, why bother with the moments of love when you have a lifetime to do something else and come to it at another time, expanding the knowledge you have of that concept with newer knowledge from something else learned (being a Part Time Lover by H-Town)?

This philosophy is what these great minds had in common with one another. The waiting game without set time constraints but with limits nonetheless. Time is the variable that has no set value that we can predict after all – particularly with the genius that is progress. All we can do is speculate with objective reasoning aligned with subjective idealism.

Even though it seems I have everything
I don’t want to be a lonely fool
All of the women, all the expensive cars, all the money don’t amount to you
So I can make believe I have everything, but I can’t pretend that I don’t see
That without you girl my life is incomplete
Without you girl
Without you girl
Without you girl you girl my life is incomplete
Without you girl you girl my life is incomplete
Oh yeah
My life is incomplete
Oh yeah, yeah

Is it promiscuous to say that love and procrastination to those that have a passion to learn new things tend to not be the happiest of people? Satisfaction leaves contentment for the moment (for a brief period of time) but there is still an unfilled void that yearns for complete fulfillment. Whether it is the creation of a new study (Feynman/Quantum Electrodynamics), a theory of everything (Einstein/Theory of General Relativity), a fundamental force (Newton/Gravity), or a particle that makes up matter (Bose/Bosen or God Particle), they are pieces of an incomplete framework and it keeps one searching for the rest of the pieces to develop the whole frame. It’s experimentation with particular aspects and components to discover what works and what doesn’t (procrastination), then deciding whether or not to run with the good, the bad, and the ugly as a permanent fixture of your life’s achievements (love).

I take it stroke by stroke, coming undone.





KEEP IT 100: Chapter 5

Clearly, we have a problem.

A dilemma

A conflict so old and ancient

That it predates God’s creation

When He said

Let there be light.

Color never stood a chance.

A slave to perception from a conscious entity

That abuses it with such


The horrors that we have done with such an ambiguous thing

That meant us no harm

But the harm we have inflicted towards it.




They engulf it unequivocally.

But one thing it didn’t have

Was life.

Now, we live in opposition.

When we could one day be like the light

Shining so bright.

Personal Life Lyrics: Demons

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

We all have our heroes. Individuals – fictional or otherwise- that we look up to as heaven sent. Heroes have villains.

The formula is so simple.

Protagonist and Antagonist.

For every Captain Cold or Mr. Freeze, there is a Flash or Batman there to save the day.

But as I continue to live on through the body of my works, words and actions exploit heroism as more than just principalities that are of biblical proportions, but infinitesimal victories and defeats that are seemingly unnoticed and often ignored.

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

My favorite heroes in comic books, graphic novels, and other forms of publication were always the brainy folks or the tragic antihero.

Spawn and Spider-Man (I loved the artistic flare that Todd McFarlane made in the late 1980’s)

Batman and Iron-Man (The Killing Joke will always be a favorite graphic novel from Batman. Demon in the Bottle is one of the best issues of Iron-Man ever. Both stories humanize these characters down to their core.)

Doctor Strange and Mister Fantastic (I call these heroes oddities among the mold because Doctor Strange is a doctor in the medical field who becomes the greatest sorcerer in the 616 Marvel Universe, as Reed Richards calls himself Mister Fantastic humbly understating his intelligence in the Marvel Universe; although he is the most intelligent male in the 616 Universe.)

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

Six male heroes from fiction – favorites from childhood and even now still – but what qualities define them and how did I try to strive to attain them?

Well, here is where the nerd in me coincides with the geek that desired to embody the beastly aesthetic that (still) entertains and fascinates me.

5 out of 6 of these heroes are brainiacs (Spider-Man, Batman, Iron-Man, Doctor Strange, and Mister Fantastic)

4 out of 6 of these heroes have tragic backstories either before or during the event that manifested their superpowers (Spawn, Spider-Man, Batman, and Iron-Man)

3 out of 6 of these heroes have superhuman skills due to years of training (Batman, Iron-Man, and Doctor Strange)

2 out of 6 of these heroes exhibit the silent-type characteristic (Batman and Spawn)

1 out of 6 of these heroes isn’t a superhuman with his tools and abilities (Batman)

Piece by piece, I set the plan in motion to attain the physical and mental structure that defines these characters into my characteristics.

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

Thy will be done. As action, as it is represented on paper.

A Set theory is planned, with memberships of characteristics in execution.

I breed life into these characters by studying what makes them so unique in me.

An artist (in terms of cardinality; one can relate my artistry to the canvas that I love to read and simulate):

  1. Learning that cardinality in mathematics is the Law of Identity from Classical Logic in empirical and rational practices and correlating the term from that logic to Astrology as one of three qualities (alongside Fixed and Mutable, with the Law of Non-contradiction and The Law of the Excluded Third).
  2. Realizing that I am the eighth out of twelve signs in this pseudoscience, a set of objects in the sky in a circle of zodiacs with symbols comparable to those of logic used in mathematics.
  3. Understanding that in this pseudoscience, there are binary distinctions between six out of twelve of these elements (Masculine and Feminine), and that every sign makes up one out of four elements (Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water. No heart here people. This ain’t Captain Planet, but there is always the Esther).
  4. Concluding that every one of these concepts didn’t grant me any special previsions (Like really, because Scorpios are private, hence the term; “Deez nutz.” But superheroes are supposed to be private about their identities. I call Empedocles on to the stand of this pseudoscientific mess).

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it – Aristotle

I accept that fact that I have set limitations but limitless potential. Like the students that I deal with in the classroom, I see myself as capable of many feats and accomplishments. This is true with the fictional heroes that I admire and enjoy reading.

I also know that it is difficult to accept defeat too. Demons hide in the darkness that comes from entertaining that thought – The thought of the unknown.

Often times, these fictional heroes seemingly go through their share of personal demons; internal villains that are worse than the archenemies that oppose their ideals (or in the study of Astrology, polar opposites to whatever sign has binary elements that are mutual to their identical qualities).

Spawn had a wife during death that he left (“Wanda” was screamed by Al Simmons on just about every episode of the HBO series from 1997. All six episodes. All three seasons), Spider-Man has the weight of Uncle Ben’s death on his shoulders (and Stacy Gwen too), Batman has an obligation to his parents after their deaths to protect his city and uphold his moral code (and take care of teenagers and make them into crimefighting badasses, all without uttering “Martha.” Damion is my favorite though), Iron-Man has alcoholism and a business to run, with countless relationship problems (which I feel are worse off than Batman and Superman’s bromance as with Captain America and just as bad as Spider-Man’s love life. Both couldn’t be as worse as Batman’s love life though), Doctor Strange has the weight of his sanity on his shoulders, as magic requires something of an equivalent exchange (The poor guy can’t even eat normal food and drink anymore. He probably pisses magic), and Mister Fantastic has to literally stretch a family life, the life of a public identity (like Tony Stark), and the fact that his creations makes cosmic level entities (like the Watchers) worried (I’m sure they ask which struggle is worse of them: Franklin Reeds or that damn invention that Reed Richards is making.)

Curtain’s call
Is the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

Crawling by Linkin Park just so happens to be the song which lyrics play an essential role in the internal wounds that “will not heal” because those wounds shape the core of their heroic nature.

You can wear a mask to cover up the pain but that pain is always there. Perhaps this is what the Joker meant when he said:

It takes one bad day to reduce a sane man to lunacy. Just one bad day.

In my case and many others (this includes the students too) there are many (or one) sets of bad day(s).

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you’ve made

To clarify the perception of identity with heroism, one must understand the purpose of the mask used to hide one’s identity. It comes as no surprise that we often have a tendency to hide fear or true intent with a false, comforting (or fearful) poker face – a masquerade to clarify the mess of any negative emotion to ensure that others aren’t feeling the same (like the astrological sign Scorpio is said to represent – a somewhat Stoic mask of appraisal in the mental state of self-control).

Don’t wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don’t wanna hide the truth

In the eyes of those that are around you, you are perceived in the parlay of spectacle and grandeur from the feats you do – highlights of the game of life (as comparable to Dr. John Conway)I know that I leave a space populated with memories that are iconic and ironic to all manner of students in the classroom, with new memories made each moment to fill in the empty spaces of overpopulated classrooms (because the neighboring classrooms are left with split lists due to teacher absences).

I don’t want to let the students or members of staff down, regardless of the hell that I’m in. All of these superheroes make it a civil duty to fight the good fight, but the truth of the matter is that at in one (or more) point (s) in their lives performing the act (paraphrasing Euclid), we’d rather chill instead.

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

I wish to breed qualities of virtue for others to follow, but with every virtue comes a vice – a coefficient to the factors and terms that follow our moral values. Euclid had it easy (until you get to the fifth axiom; the first four are always taught in grade school though).

  1. Get to the point
  2. Get in line
  3. Be there or be square
  4. Be right

(The fifth not included)

It is in ethical values where complexity lays down a concrete dilemma. Rules were always made to be broken. This is where the fifth axiom lays its foundation on the shoulders of giants (as some children grow up so tall and fast too).

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

It’s interesting that although these superheroes are portrayed as good guys (Spawn is questionable sometimes and Reed Richards becomes a villain later on), one thing stood out that I admired and respected the most: They broke the rules to protect the lives of others. They are vigilantes.

They are the fifth axiom to the game of life (as I can imagine Euclid and Conway having coffee together, working out algorithms until the wee hours of the morning) – the heroes that don’t follow simple and conventional methods but are confided by the morals and ethics of society by people that they have sworn to protect.

They say it’s what you make
I say it’s up to fate
It’s woven in my soul
I need to let you go

I seemingly follow the mantra of vigilant activity. There are many of us that do it. The slight of hand as you take a gamble with authority to insure that you achieve your goals. Learning from defeat and developing a mental fortitude and resolve that others aspire to have. It becomes woven in your soul. Euclid took this to an extreme. He was killed by a soldier because he refused to follow his orders to stop doing what his passion was. He just couldn’t let go of the problem that he was finding a solution for (whatever that problem was).

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can’t escape this now
Unless you show me how

It’s not our demons but what we do with them that define our character and better judgment. Oftentimes, our greatest victories come in moments of defeat and vice versa. The fight between Bane and Batman from The Dark Knight Rises is the greatest example of that. A villain showed a hero how to hero better (Something that Professor Zoom keeps doing for Flash too). In comparison, the students show me how to be a better student.

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

I have been able to tap into all the negative things that can happen to me throughout my life by numbing myself to the pain so to speak and kind of being able to vent it through my music. – Chester Bennington

We often don’t notice our transformations whenever we embrace our small victories or defeats. Others around us do and make note of the changes. I’m sure all of us tap into our demons and use them to create greatness. I think that like Euclid, Chester took his passion to an extreme, as the death of Chris Cornell played a heavy role in his suicide.

We often ignore the signs of great people who suffer and succumb to their demons. It was his music and the lyrics that spoke to me during my time in high school that saved my life. Heroism is more than just a cape or a strong body. Sometimes, it can be words transcribed into our spirits from the spirits of those suffering too.


KEEP IT 100: Chapter 4

ODB says that he likes it raw.

Some like it slow and steady.

Some like it short and sweet.

But we know that this gift given

Is anything but

Ass and Titties

Dick and Nutz

There is no almond joy

No real pleasure

Measuring the scales

The Heart and the Feather

Whether or not

A climax concludes the act

The fact of the matter at hand

As you finger yourself

Is that balance is not so easily achieved

So easily

Is it hidden behind

Belts and layers of cloth


Does it make you feel blue?

Two words.

F#!k  you. 


Academic Shade: Kevin Gates the Kitty of Uncertainty

I’ve heard this quote plenty of times;

Curiosity killed the cat.

As an individual with a Jedi master level of sarcasm and wit, the most basic rebuttal for this statement would be;

But I ain’t no pussy.

Honesty, I would be pulling a dick move (another one; in the voice of DJ Khaled) but to point to the matter at hand, this discourse (or intercourse; however you deem it) is a moral lesson in the dichotomy of one of many human experiences that some tend to take for granted.

And with this, I present to you a well-known thought experiment (and no, I’m not a thot. Think about that for a moment).

A cat

A box

A flask of poison

A radioactive source

The cat is put in the box with both the flask of poison and the radioactive source (because for some strange reason, we can never trust a big butt and a smile and imagine our dragons making heat) and is both dead and alive unless we remove the box and observe the cat in one particular state. Now the saying goes that cats have nine lives but two states? That’s like Kevin Gates having two phones; one for the plug and one for the load, one for the b@#$h and one for the dough, and two more and counting; with each phone a Kevin Gates in one state that is observable in two different situations (He an Atomic Dawg. Bow wow wow bruh).

This thought experiment (or thot experiment, in the case of Kevin Gates here in this paradox) is called the Uncertainty Principle (like how I’m uncertain that if it is the case that Kevin Gates was the box that encases the cat, maybe he’d know the outcome of having so many phones to do the things he does, particularly the consumption of that part that lies between poison and radioactivity.). The uncertainty of the situation and status of the cat (and Kevin Gates for that matter) is something of a life lesson that is rooted from the realm of quantum physics to everyday life’s moral and ethical viewpoint.

We have endless moments of uncertainty. Everything we do has a choice in the manner of all principles learned from the past, present, and future. In the case of the Uncertainty Principle, both states of uncertainty create parallel worlds; other versions of you that exist in some parallel universe. Uncertainty is a tool; much like the box, the poison, and the radioactive source that follows. It is created with purpose, but it isn’t without its share of fears and doubts as to what circumstances can throw an individual into a state of optimism or pessimism; the glass being half-full or half-empty. Uncertainty begs the question:

What if it is something else?

Like elsewhere;

Entangled inside the boles of our being

Hungry for clarity

Spreading the charity of understanding the entropic spread of moral value (because that’s some deep level sh&*).

For if I’ve learned anything about the nature of uncertainty, it’s that it is indeed like sarcasm and when nature seems to make sense, it has a funny and intimate way of obscuring things into focus, even when getting there is nasty and vile.



KEEP IT 100: Chapter 3


A ratio of how I perceive how pretty or ugly 

Something I set my sights on is.

Nothing is even

And that shit is a bit odd.

Others call it petty.

I merely call it how I see it.

Honesty is the




After all,

Besides, I don’t look for trouble

I tend to turn a blind eye towards it.

I focus on the blurry details.

Imperfections in all their glory.

It’s better that way.

Than to tell a story.

My right is better than

What I have left beside me.

Balanced by

What sits between

My vision.




Personal Life Lyrics: Closer

Here’s an idea…

There are many of them!

All that is near us we must know
Could disappear any day be careful
The main key to finding happiness 
Lies nowhere else but my soul

I’m going to do something different this time.

A homage, if you will.

I’l be honest. The premises behind this story, the past ones, and the others to come are completely freestyle and are true stories that I wish to share to those that are willing to learn from the lyrics from my life to yours.

My soul’s contentment comes from learning and aspiring to grow from what has been learned, and is still learning still. I mean, it was Socrates that said it best:

If I know anything, I know nothing.

And it seems like I do that on and off the internet canvas with my array of talents that I convey as gifts to society.

What in the world is the happiness 
That you gained from your newest experience? 
Maybe you’re just too blessed 
To remember!

It was a senior from Keenan High School that told me something that I will always remember. I remember it like it was yesterday (Nope, it was 2014. I got fired from Walmart that year too. Retail was the 4th Circle of Hell that I had to deal with. Unlike the 10th circle of middle schoolers*, here lies a group of sinners that desire to punish hard workers with more work and little respect. Good times).

There is a difference between doing what you love and doing what you are passionate about.

Now the first time I had heard this, I was like;

-inserts Land of Confusion by Disturbed (because I was deeply disturbed) with a look of awe-

Love and passion?

I thought that these terms were synonyms.

But then I learned from experience that just like there is a difference between love and passion, that there is a difference between happiness and contentment.

That you’re here 
That you’re breathing 
Realize that’s 
just a miracle in itself

I recall the Theory of Forms here.

Apples and Oranges.

Love and Passion.

Happiness and Contentment.

On a scale of one to ten, how do they add up and balance in my life and the experiences obtained?

A poem comes to mind on this very topic:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Sugar is sweet

And so are you.

Apples and oranges are sweet. They are round objects too but how do they compare to love and passion?

Then comes a miracle…

The things closest to you 
You need to always pay the most attention to 
If you get too close to something 
You’ll lose sight of it

“Love is such a complex thing,” I say to this particular senior. “It centers itself around the axis of passion, tilting our pleasures and desires.” 

“That is true,” the senior says, “but…(he pauses, gathering up his thoughts on the matter) is this your passion?”

“I just love to learn and to help others,” I say.

“But, is it your passion to learn and to help others or is it something you love and can do without” The senior interjects.

I pause.

“Explain,” I say.

You know the closer you get to something 
The tougher it is to see it 
And I’ll never take it for granted

Let’s go

“It’s like eating an apple or an orange or some other sweet food. If you love apples or oranges, you’ll eat them and enjoy them but if you have a passion of eating them, you’ll grow a garden to ensure that you’ll never run out of them,” The senior explains.

“Ah! Passion is a particular concept. The metaphysics behind your definition of passion is what Aristotle would call excellence in principle,” I say. “So what is love? A means to an end? Perhaps a Final Cause?”

“It’s tough to describe in one word,” The senior says, “We tend to take it for granted though. It’s like…(He pauses, gathering up the words for it) bliss.” 

“Ignorance is bliss,” I say.

Then I donned on me what he meant.

Though there are people that say 
Helping someone is hypocritical 
Each person 
Can be trusted, or can be doubted, so…

I realized the universal in the dialog.

For subjectivity is a powerful empathetic tool of the wise and he was wise as well.

“I get it now,” I say, smiling contently. “Love is an act, a passion is a habit.”

“It should be something you can’t live without, an extension of your very being,” said the senior.

It shouldn’t come off as a surprise that it was in this week (It was a Thursday. My TGIF but not a Friday because I work nights on Fridays) that I would have to explain my own subjectivity at yet another place of employment years later.

Let’s say that 
Even if you are hypocritical 
If you saved someone because of it 
That would be real, more than anything

Security work in a guardhouse.

Inside of the guardhouse was nothing like my mind (as my mind is like the TARDIS; bigger on the inside. Unfortunately, that leaves room for statements like weird, crazy, bizarre – all of the synonyms that fancy uniqueness).

One Friday, I recall a conversation between a driver and me.

“You seem very happy today! I wish I was as happy as you,” the driver says, as I’m processing his paperwork.

“I’m just doing my job. My job is to act happy to get positive results. I’m content, not happy,” I say.

As always (in most cases) my responses start debates…

“Content? What is the difference between the two? Happy? Content? They both mean that you are feeling good,” said the driver.

“Well…(I gather my words carefully not to offend) happy is Pharrell’s song and I’m surely not like that. I enjoy the song but to be honest, contentment is better for me,” I say.

“Why is that,” said the driver.

“Why be happy when you can be interesting,” I say, quoting Slavoj Zizek

“It’s interesting of you to say that. I know I’m happy in Jesus. Jesus is the way, the truth and the light,” he says.

“The Logos illuminates in us all sir,” I say.

“Continue chasing after your dreams” 
And “Go on without giving up” 
The more you say pretty things like that 
The less that actually gets done

This is the sweet part of the conversation.

God‘s love is eternal,” he says.

He continues without filter, “You shouldn’t be so uptight. You know, for a second judging from your posture and attitude, I would have thought you were military.”

I pause before responding, wondering why this driver is still here for one, and secondly how to end this conversation without it having to go on any longer (because as I’ve learned from some of these drivers, they must follow some of the Cynic personal hygiene habits with some of their appearances and odor. This driver made me search the hills and beyond for Jesus by smell alone).

“Happy is bliss. Contentment is striving for excellence,” I say, recalling the senior from a few years ago “Because anyone can be happy but can you own up to your own self-worth?”

“Oh…” said the driver.

At this point, I hoped that his odor caught the message too.

I’ll keep a handful of courage in my heart 
To use to live through tomorrow 
And I’ll never take it for granted

Let’s go

I thought he would leave after that “oh“.

Oh no he didn’t.

After an unsuccessful attempt to find an empty trailer, he returns after I have rebuked the Cynic funk that he brought with him.

“Here are some Biblical verses to leave you with young man,” he says.

I thank him and say nothing else so he’ll leave before the Cynic odor settles down with me again.

The things closest to you 
You need to always pay the most attention to 
If you get too close to something 
You’ll lose sight of it

Is subjectivity honesty?

Diogenes was searching for the most honest man. He wasn’t the most appealing individual but at least he was virtuous.

Is objectivity truth?

Aristotle always longed for the truth and believed that the truth came from doing virtuous things.

The Problem with Universals is that both premises are not the absolute clear picture in the photograph on the canvas being painted from it.

Its colors are the same but they are applied through different means. Primary and secondary** colors from paint are different from the electromagnetic spectrum of light snapped from the camera.

The same can be said for ideals.

You know the closer you get to something 
The tougher it is to see it 
And I’ll never take it for granted

We can compare ideals.

There are many of them.

I can compare the ideals of the driver to the barrel that Diogenes lived in (figurative and literally, I really don’t want to imagine what it is like in there) or the limits of physical space that bond me concretely to the possibly limitless potential that comes from my imaginative mind.

That senior was the potential that I desired for all of the students that I’ve met, just at a different time and place.

“Continue chasing after your dreams” 
And “Go on without giving up” 
The more you say pretty things like that 
The less that actually gets done

It all starts with a spark and a fire ignites. We never know the time or place, what opportunity it takes us. I was also told that a dream is a wish and a vision is taking action to make the wish come true (Damn you Disney).

Be as you wish to seem.

Do what drives your being.

I’ll keep a handful of courage in my heart 
To use to live through tomorrow 
And I’ll never take it for granted

Let’s go

Naruto had two words that embodied his principles:

Believe it.

He wished to be Hokage and put forth the work to become one. His ideals and even the ideals of the other ninjas empower their decisions, even their style of ninjutsu. These ideals are the foundation on which the fire is set ablaze.

To Mike Rugnetta, you have set a foundation for others to aspire to. You lit the flame and set it ablaze. Now you have many others to illuminate the minds of others. This post is one hell of a commemoration for the great work that you have done. I will continue doing what I do in keep the fire burning. As the 11th Doctor concluded,

We’re all just stories in the end. Make it a good one. 

As your companion on this journey, I’d say great show!

Great show indeed.



**Personal Life Lyrics: Still A Friend of Mine 

*Personal Life Lyrics: Another Star

KEEP IT 100: Chapter 2

How does it feel to fall in love?

Why ask me when I don’t like to trip and bust my ass.

Accidents happen.

For everything else,

Deez nutz

And the lies Pinocchio spews.

It’s hard to believe that love is more than just what the tin man is lacking.


No, I have one.

It beats, on and on

And on and on

It’s a melody that tastes like sweet chocolate.

But smells like shit.

It bellows deeper.

It has been expected.

It has been planned.


I shot the arrow

Pierced the heart

And cared not what others thought.




Personal Life Lyrics: Still A Friend of Mine

Now it’s time to go Incognito with a little bit of Acid Jazz.

You know as true as trees are tall
And autumn leaves do fall
Oh, it sometimes rains in paradise
And even the warmest heart can turn to ice

“One band, one sound”

The quote from the movie Drumline that brings back memories, particularly of a 7th grader that watched this movie as a 9th grader as inspiration for enforcing the playing of a musical instrument I knew from the movie itself.

This was the beginning of a new season of a new skill set, a new talent acquired.

Only one problem.

Standing firm and erect as a tree in cockiness was the notion that making beats on the tables with my knuckles was the same as playing the instrument.

This was the year (2000 – 2001) that if you could make it rain with freestyle beats from either your mouth or hands, you were as popular as Lil Wayne and Juvenile with their hits The Block Is Hot and Bling Bling (Hits from my 6th grade year in the 99 and the 2000 that traversed through the 7th grade. The middle school setting was anything but paradise).

I know it happened to us all
Every kind of people fall
And after all the tears are gone
Do we have the heart to carry on

I hated middle school.

In the previous blog Personal Life Lyrics: My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark, I stated that middle school was a special kind of Hell.

Now you’ll get some details.

In this Underworld known as the 10th circle (ruled by Hades), the gates of 6th, 7th, and 8th grade are guarded by Cerberus. As in any hierarchical system, there are rulers that influence the masses. In the 7th grade, we had a girl that in all grades throughout middle school, was the most popular student in the school. I had one hell of a crush on her too. I wasn’t in the “in” crowd in this underworld of middle schools in 6th, 7th, or 8th grade but one thing was certain:

I had the heart to carry on and make this girl mine.

Here and now, still somehow
Still a friend of mine, oh you’re still a friend of mine
Still a friend of mine, you’re still a friend of mine
Still a friend of mine, oh you’re still a friend of mine

Man oh man, if I have learned anything (being a substitute and a student too) it’s that kids, particularly middle school kids, say and do the darnest things (damnest nowadays because kids nowadays have no filter until they take selfies and post them on social media).

It was in 7th grade where I wished that I was Hades and this special girl was Persephone but I had no means of gaining any popularity in this Underworld.

Somehow, I had an idea. A friend of mine instilled in me the courage to use music to get her (and the masses) attention but it came at a heavy cost.

To think of all the times I hurt you
And never thought it through
Oh, I treated you so badly baby
Could such a cruel heart ever be free

The past can hurt.

Death can be quick or slow but to be in the “in” crowd in the Underworld, you must be carried in the Ship of Theseus by Charon.

I paid the cost from peer pressure to become someone else.

The waters that I was carried from were deep (Deep Waters is another song from Incognito* too) but the lessons remained from that ego death (The Internet*).

The beat goes on.

I know it happens to us all
Every kind of people fall
Oh, and after all is said and done
Do we have the heart to carry on

Perhaps this death made me more persistent in my desire to better my abilities to play the drums. This fall from grace in the Underworld grasp that earlier on shaped me like a new canvas.

The drum (the canvas), the drumsticks (the utensil used to create the art work on the canvas) and myself (Tyler* the creator; My name isn’t Tyler but it surely is close) became one with practice and creativity throughout the years after 7th grade, into 9th grade and beyond (because Love Don’t Cost a Thing with Nick Cannon and Christina Millian’s never crossed over with my relationship goals with that particular girl, particularly in the 9th grade setting. For that reason, The Jones Girls song entitled You Gonna Make Me Love Somebody Else plays on the Threads of Fate in the life of this relationship). 

Here and now, still somehow
Still a friend of mine, oh you’re still a friend of mine
Still a friend of mine, you’re still a friend of mine
Still a friend of mine, oh you’re still a friend of mine

Here and now, I am still learning more and more about drums and how important they are in the lives of those that I surround myself with. Communication is a vital aspect in our understanding of culture and as a drummer, I learned that everyone drums to their own rhythm.

It is a language.

As every circle from Dante’s Inferno has a different group of sinners, every drum is tuned differently to sound distinctly unique.

I know as long as I’ve got you
And we do the things we do
The next time baby
That our love breaks down
I’ll do the best that I can
To turn it around

Disney’s Pocahontas signature song Color of the Wind comes to mind when it comes to comparing the painting with all the colors of the wind and the wonderful combinations you can get when playing with drums. 

Speaking of colors, there are three special types of them (like singles, doubles, and triples when playing notes on a drum with a single hand).

Primary, Secondary, and Tertiary.

In my knowledge of understanding the colors of the wind (the drums and the wonderful music they make), I could compare the music theory to that of setting relationship goals.

Here and now, still somehow
Still a friend of mine, oh you’re still a friend of mine
Still a friend of mine, you’re still a friend of mine
Still a friend of mine, oh you’re still a friend of mine

Red, Yellow, and Blue 

My family of colors are the single closest people to me. Single strokes are the easiest to get along with. They are close family (and bffs), and these folks are vital for your own well-being. They are always there whenever you need them! They paint the center of your universe. The blood in your body, the sun in the day and the atmosphere in the sky.

Green, Orange, and Purple 

I enjoy my double strokes though. They associate with you and your close family. They aren’t always easily to get to know at first because, like parallel lines, both you and them need to intersect and meet more than once to warm up to one another. Like plants that go through photosynthesis when the sun and sky allow the nutrients to nurture them, the same can be said whenever the sun shines on your skin, soaking up Vitamin D (and this is still slightly kid friendly, by the way) but too much of anything is a bad thing, causing spots to form from overexposure.

And the six extras

Those triples.

Balance is the hardest aspect to grasp and to have your painting completed, you must have minor extras that individually don’t draw in a crowd, but when you add the single and doubles – the primaries and the secondaries – you get a grand finale.

But like many types of art, it takes time to create a masterpiece and to have a body of work to see your progress, it helps establish a solid foundation of creativity as the wind blows.

Time and time and time again
I’m gonna be right here for you baby
Seasons come and seasons go
Gonna be right here for you

When it comes down to the scheme of things, learning comes full circle over time. The perpendicular nature of achieving greatness in single moments in time, changes the tone for your mindset and the well-being of others. Whether there is a tint or shade in theirs (or yours) carries great value in the nature of self-expression. I find it surprising the parallels that can be compared when developing a passion for something (or someone you love).

For what it’s worth, the connection is timeless.



*Link to the other song from Incognito: