Personal Life Lyrics: Linger

You know, I’ve lingered on for so long that I’ve got to use The Cranberries song Linger in a personal blog as a dedication to my 10th grade English teacher Ms. Edwards. 

As mentioned in the previous Personal Life Lyrics: The Black Parade, my high school years were full of new beginnings. The mixing of ethnicity and cultures into the pigment of the neutral, as well as totality of neutrality was one vital aspect of order and structure, but one thing was for sure: The stigma of the Oreo stereotype ruled supreme from the experiences that governed my personality.

If you, if you could return
Don’t let it burn
Don’t let it fade
I’m sure I’m not being rude
But it’s just your attitude
It’s tearing me apart
It’s ruining every day
For me
I swore I would be true
And fellow, so did you
So why were you holding her hand?
Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time?
Was it just a game to you?
But I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You’ve got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do have to let it linger?

Ah, the English teacher that also followed the stigma that was held by me. She was a slim, tall, light-skinned woman who, like me, liked structure in her classroom as well as in the core curriculum. Order was found through the understanding of the language and how we used it in the classroom and ironically, one particular story plays an important piece into my life as it pertains to her positive influence in my cordial livelihood.

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong, I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn’t be so confused
And I wouldn’t feel so used
But you always really knew
I just want to be with you
And I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You’ve got me wrapped around your finger
Do have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do have to let it linger?

Sir Gawain and The Green Knight (or in my 10th grade mind, Tommy Oliver: The Green Ranger) was the story that is forever engraved in my memory (Before Forever Red, there was Green with Evil, as this too was engraved in my memory as we had to read this Middle English text). I really enjoyed the chivalric (playboy) mentality of Tommy (in all of his hues). Hell, he was one of the primary reasons for my favorite colors (White, Red, and Black in respective Power Ranger series order).

It lingers deep into Ms. Edwards description of me and how she saw me as the Green Knight, but I merely saw myself; despite the positive comparison, more like Sir Gawain instead. This comparison is much like Tommy Oliver (after Green with Evil, as he was converted good again when the Red Ranger broke the sword that empowered Tommy with evil. Surprisingly, Jason became the Gold Ranger in the Power Rangers Zeo series with a color scheme very much like Tommy Oliver’s in Power Rangers Dino Thunder) and Zordon, both being the squire (Tommy) and the knight (Zordon)I wasn’t the most outspoken nor was I the most intelligent of her class. To be quite honest, I rarely spoke and always tried to be the last called on in any classroom activity. Perhaps this mental instability was well noticed by Ms. Edwards who would try to break me out of my comfort zone. I thought that my actions could do me no wrong (or in this case, no harm) but I was wrong.

And I’m in so deep
You know I’m such a fool for you
You’ve got me wrapped around your finger
Do have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do have to let it linger?

My silence in the classroom was purposeful:

The words spoken from the sound of my voice wasn’t like that of the other classmates in the classroom.

My mental instability was justified by the understanding that silence was golden (like the Green Ranger’s Vest that empowered the Red and Black Rangers during times of distress).

The fact of the matter at hand was that the way I spoke my words were just like that of the teacher! It lingered on that this odd characteristic was a bit unsettling as I, like Ms. Edwards, was an African-American born in the country without an accent with peers of color that made stereotypes like me seem like a contradiction to the status quo. Even Ms. Edwards first name seem to do that too! I just couldn’t wrap my finger around it. Then, it hit me (and sparks began to fly off my chest like when the Rangers get hit by a monster). Perhaps, Mrs. Edwards was the Green Knight instead and she passed on the power coin of empathetic understanding as Sir Gawain wears the green girdle to represent that negative stigma that she also seemed to go through with the same contradictions at play.

You know I’m such a fool for you
You’ve got me wrapped around your finger
Do have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to, do have to let it linger?

Our roles play a major part of our relationships with those around us. They linger throughout our lives. Ms. Edwards taught me something that transcends English Literature. The characteristics that define us and shape us as individuals, also have stories from others around us in places and spaces unbeknownst to us. We never know what role we play in the lives of others but I can’t live with myself knowing that there are people in my life that at one point, I cared little for until it dawned upon me as an adult now, how my comparison and their compassion made me accept the full truth of who I am and what I do.

And I can quote from the passage these lines:

Great wonder grew in hall
At his hue most strange to see,
For man and gear and all
Were green as green could be. (Lines 147 – 150)

Thank you, Ms. Edwards.

One of the teachers in my life that made it great to be me.

 

Websites:

https://play.google.com/music/preview/Ttsw7zkl4qp5eg3lghv5wur4kca?lyrics=1&utm_source=google&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=lyrics&pcampaignid=kp-lyrics

 

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